Harrowed happiness.

'I've ran my colours, dripped down and drained out. Tried a million things, but my heart's been shot.' - Foster The People

  Happiness, huh. It seems that questionable Rachel strikes yet again, as I probe to no one in particular about the weird concepts of life. I couldn't stop watching My Mad Fat Diary after a rave recommendation - which is absolutely brilliant by the way, and I suppose my thoughts were allowed to flourish after a very emotional 4 and a half hours. Still, it's all a handful to digest. I mean, what even is happiness? As defined by a dictionary, happiness is the 'state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy'. 

  I think that's utter bullshit nonsense. Of course, nothing is as simple as its made out to be. (Certainly not any emotion for that matter.) Then again, nothing is ever as its made out to be. When I think of sheer happiness, I picture myself frolicking in a field of daisies and tulips. Funnily enough, I realise that the idea often comes with a counterpart whom is meant to be swinging you round and round, as you laugh deliriously. So to put it simply, happiness is often associated with companionship. 

  Why do I, and majority of the population, rely on others for happiness? Understandably it's all a part of human nature, but it comes to a point where people go to dire lengths because of another - to seek satisfaction through acceptance, love and approval from others. Obviously I am no exception. I'm the most helpless person I know when it comes to determining my own happiness. It seems that I only find security by investing time and trust in others. I realise that I am better off when around friends. I seem to distract myself from the demons in my mind who unknowingly plot my emotional downfall. But as loneliness befalls, I start to grow weaker. 

  What I don't get: All these negative thoughts that we may get on a regular basis aren't anything as harsh as anything we'd say to anyone else. Yet it seems that our minds are against us, when really for the rest of our lives, ourselves are all we will ever have. That's a lot to take in; as it seems, the most common way of learning is for ourselves to pick ourselves up after previously collapsed ties. (I'm currently in a state of questioning who my actual friends are, because there is surely uncertainty involved.) I want to need to be responsible for my own happiness, and assumbly to get to that goal I'd have to face some rocky terrain first. As quoted from Louise, 'It's something you try and learn yourself, to be more self dependant if you've been let down too much.'

  Now, where do you take a stand on this topic? (A big thanks to Louise last night, for guiding my thoughts and providing her own.) It's your turn to speak, dear reader, and I'd love to know.

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