Over the span of seven days, I successively managed to injure myself in more ways than one. If you were to inspect me you'd notice cuts to my fingers, bruises on my knees (from a fall right after waking up - hah!). It may come as a surprise, but I'm basically the most injury/illness-prone person I know. I've been a blubbery mess and the unwilling host of tonsillitis, alleviated head tension and *drumroll* anxiety. I had a period 0 test on Thursday; due to uncontrollable noise, I found it difficult to focus, and soon breathing and the urge to almost start crying became evident. It came as a shock to me as it hadn't ever properly happened, all at once.
Funnily, school isn't the primary cause of it, yet more rather an underestimated trigger: noise. I've noticed similar bodily responses when I'm tired and can't sleep - anxiety builds up inside of me and my head will throb, followed by tears. It's excruciating, the physical control you lose over yourself. It strikes me as odd because despite being a heavy thinker, I am quite calm in my approach to school. I'm still figuring this out, and trying not to let these symptoms deter me. (Watching The Theory of Everything before bed last night probably didn't help the flu congestion bit, but oh well! I give 4 stars, by the way.)
Anyway. On a more positive front, school hasn't been entirely drastic. Only mildly, haha. A range of new songs have kept me in one piece for the past month. It hasn't failed to sooth me in the most torrential of times, when I've been nothing but a hot mess. So do listen to Anyway, by an up-and-coming Melbourne washed out jazz hop duo. I can't wait to see what else Slum Sociable comes up with.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, really, but the long weekend is over and it's back to the study life. March looks semi-promising though, and quite frankly, I just wanted to say hi to you all. I've missed you, and with our lives I think we can all agree that life can get out-of-hand sometimes. There's so many words I want to share, and feelings I want to communicate - yet I haven't got to the process of arranging them together. I just wanted to get that off my chest. As for blogging, I just haven't had the knack for it these days. Otherwise, I hope all is well with you all and here's some footage from my late January. It's long over-due!
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Period 0s can be (and are still) super scary! Just hang in there :-(
ReplyDeleteand sdhjfglj i think i have a similar problem to you. When something 'unexpected' happens, i freak out (and it can get really bad....) like when i can't sleep before a period 0, when i forget something in a test or just when i thought everything was all good but it turns out it's not. Anxiety is still a big issue for me (but it's comforting to know I'm not the only one!). i think it's good that you still blog during school, it's a really good outlet for stress (KEEP IT UP) XX
Hi Rachel!
ReplyDeleteI've never had a Period 0 before, and I didn't even know what it was until I searched it... but yeah, it does sound stressful.
Just remember to always calm yourself, whether that's through meditation or just thinking "positive" thoughts. I am always here if you need a chat! x Keep your head up, girl.
I hope you feel better soon girl! I'll be thinking of you x
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, there is so much I want to say about everything but I can't arrange them properly at the moment, but that's okay!
I'm glad school isn't too much though! I also used to find new songs to get me through :)
Stay out of the wars Rachel! x
i've had the same feeling. that type of restlessness before bed that soon turns into fear and anxiety. soon you find yourself sleeping in a pile of cold sweat.
ReplyDeletejust tell yourself it will al be better in the day (: hope you feel better rachel x
Ok, this may be really inappropriate and very random as a comment on this really lovely post (thanks for the update - I do hope you find a way to deal with it - anxiety and feeling ill and blubbering haha, jokes aside, it sounds though) BUT you're accent is really, really cute haha xD
ReplyDelete