Coming down.

  In my dreams I am unwanted. I am a witness of disaster. I am as helpless as ever. In my attempts to make things better I am left in the lurch. I wake up crying because I am diminished in every way. I am trying and it isn't enough. I am catastrophic, a burden, running for my sake. I feel my worth slipping away. The shivering loud noises and deluded demeanors. The blown-up buildings and lacking brightness. I see their disapproving faces, I hear their thoughtless, ignorant words breaking my shell...

  And I crack. // I try my hardest to run. I get in the lift and we tremble until we reach the top floor. I get out and she doesn't see me. It's an office-like interior and I see unfamiliar objects sitting where I have been replaced. She's busying herself. She's on the phone, laughing and smiling. I tuck myself in a corner of the room, and claim defeat as an onlooker. She's moved on, and I should be happy. You see, this happiness is possible because it excludes me. I was the sorry surprise, one that weighed her down. She gave me everything and I will never stop loving her. I will always watch over her, but I'd wish I had never existed.

***

YOU CAN ALSO FIND ME ON BLOGLOVIN // GFC // INSTAGRAM // SOUNDCLOUD // SPOTIFY