Coming down.

  In my dreams I am unwanted. I am a witness of disaster. I am as helpless as ever. In my attempts to make things better I am left in the lurch. I wake up crying because I am diminished in every way. I am trying and it isn't enough. I am catastrophic, a burden, running for my sake. I feel my worth slipping away. The shivering loud noises and deluded demeanors. The blown-up buildings and lacking brightness. I see their disapproving faces, I hear their thoughtless, ignorant words breaking my shell...

  And I crack. // I try my hardest to run. I get in the lift and we tremble until we reach the top floor. I get out and she doesn't see me. It's an office-like interior and I see unfamiliar objects sitting where I have been replaced. She's busying herself. She's on the phone, laughing and smiling. I tuck myself in a corner of the room, and claim defeat as an onlooker. She's moved on, and I should be happy. You see, this happiness is possible because it excludes me. I was the sorry surprise, one that weighed her down. She gave me everything and I will never stop loving her. I will always watch over her, but I'd wish I had never existed.

***

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Keep your eyes closed, we can live in a reverie.

  Dreaming. It's been one thing, for sure, that has always fascinated me. I've been prone to recurring, or bizarre dreams for the past few weeks. In all honesty, I don't mind them. I happen to fancy a truly awe-inspiring dream every now and again. They're food for thought, that I try to not to devour, but digest restfully. I often scrutinize my dreams and conclude that it's all a make-believe reality. The subconscious realm of pure slumber intertwined with a pinch of fantasy. The tender promise of a simultaneous union. They are all worth the hours of tossing in bed. Let's not forget the ever-present twisted elements that are part of the package, or the deceivingly sweet enclave that often makes us question how and why. 

  They sometimes envelop me in otherworldly assurance, in the arms of the familiar. Sometimes they do not. The naiveté that has me on a high can send me into a swift descent. However, it's fact that the magnitude of dreams are incomprehensible - perhaps that's what makes them so enchanting. I am blessed in this life, that's for sure. Though occasionally, I'd much rather dreamtime than anything this teeming reality could ever offer me. It presents me with the possibilities I've longed for, even the ones that become deliciously true.

  What about you? What do your dreams tell you? 

'The world is in your palm now, so take a breath and calm down.' - Smallpools

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We are the sun.

   I've longed for this. The coarse wind kissing my cheeks. The jade waves and ivory sand; they feel like home. It is a surreal resemblance of summer, of pure belonging. // An eternal crest of foam welcomes me as I bury myself in the familiarity. Salty, it tastes not, but rather sweet. And there I am, doused in euphoria. // I know this is more than a dream. It is my manifested wish.

  A dream not long ago stumbled into my conscience, and today I coincidentally lived it out. (Take fine weather, friends and music as your faithful accompaniments.) It's been the first visit to the beach since spring has victoriously emerged.

  After all, Milano Sun has always been a chimerical favourite of mine - and they've found another way to outdo themselves. Here's also a track by them that conveys the atmosphere exactly. Listen and reminisce.

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Warm Bodies.

(source)

"What am I doing with my life? I'm so pale. I should get out more. I should eat better. My posture's horrible. I should stand up straighter. People would respect me more if I stood up straighter. What's wrong with me? I just want to connect. Why can't I connect with people? Oh, right, it's cause I'm dead."

"I don't want to hurt you. I just want to feel what you felt, to feel a little better, a little less dead."

  I've just finished watching Warm Bodies and it was absolutely captivating. (Yet another film adaptation from a novel, guilty as charged.) Long story actually, this mere event sprung from an unplanned movie scene spree. After my daily Youtube feed, I clicked on a Youtube video related to the movie and before I knew it, one video led to another. It had been an hour; I was utterly absorbed in the entirety of it. I desperately scrambled to find more and more scenes - I mean, I hadn't even watched the full movie but it was enough to receive a weepy response on my part. Would you believe it?

"I don't want to be this way. I am lonely, I am lost."

  Enough of that, let's move on to the actual movie. The story deals with R, an zombie looking for answers. He questions the emptiness inside of him and longs to reconnect. Through a series of unexpected events his extraordinary romance with a human, Julie, blossoms. They both want to make a difference, and the movie shows how R becomes human again through evoked emotions. The plotline wasn't too complicated though it was surely gripping, so I stayed glued to my screen for a good hour or two. The (inner) dialogue was hilarious, especially since it caught me off-guard during tense scenes. Not to mention, the characters were bloody perfect (especially R - talk about a dashing zombie). I think Nicholas Hoult executed the role of the main character excellently. The quotes were inevitably lovey-dovey; not a problem for a hopeless romantic like me. Some moments were truly passionate and as mentioned earlier, had enforced a flood of tears. See, I'm in fact terribly afraid of zombie movies but Warm Bodies is a clear exception. I suppose how it's also a romantic comedy, alongside the action. The scenic setting and soundtrack complemented everything too, and it was just surreal. It felt like the whole movie was a lengthy music video - in a positive, enchanting way. To those who haven't watched it yet, I suggest you watch a few clips (or all, but that would spoil the movie) as listed below.

Official Trailer  // Perry Lab-Attack // R Meets Julie //  What Are You? // Be Dead // Hungry Heart // M Saves R and Julie // R Dreams // Julie Leaves R // I Missed You // How'd You Die? // R's Human Makeover // The Kiss

  The only negative thing I have to say is that I regret not watching Warm Bodies earlier. Seriously, it's a very heartwarming movie and I suggest you watch it right away.

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Rearrange me.

'You start it right, you tread so light... If we wait, we can make it somehow.'  - Bombay Bicycle Club

  Hello everyone, hope you had a swell Monday. Today was day one of transition camp for me. I decided to go despite my nosebleeds and Sreya's protests (thank you for being my motherly figure by the way). I was greeted by lots of fresh faces which brightened up my mood instantly. We engaged in borderline-boring activities for hours, but luckily I was in a comfortable group. My drama teacher was our instructor and I'm honestly happy about that. The experience was pretty average - by experience, I mean the food. Nonetheless, I had fun. Here's hoping day two will be good to me tomorrow. 

  Things never go as expected - ah, a timeless saying that will forever live to remind ourselves of its presence. In the past fortnight I've missed a week of school (and I most certainly do not want to return). My case of illness has allowed me to achieve nothing. Along with that, I spent the weekend baking and aimlessly watching movies. (How about that for a living?) I managed to get through Submarine, A Walk to Remember, The Art of Getting By, The First Time and 21 Jump Street. I particularly favoured The Art of Getting By due to its realism. The protagonist has a bleak outlook on the future, and in a way I could relate.

  Now, let me explain. I am going to say it straight up: I lack ambition. I lack the ambition to push forward; the drive to keep going. I'm referring to long-term ambition, really, for when I'm a young adult. I haven't a clue what I want to be, and even if I did I would very much doubt that I'd be capable of reaching my dreams. 

  Everyone was outside playing this afternoon in the field, but I settled indoors with Saffron. It was windy; I was exhausted. We lay down and talked a bit about our future. She's got a clear idea of what she wants to be, what she wants to achieve. A few of my friends like Sreya (see her post about ambition here) and Yuxian are pretty set on their future. I have so much admiration for them, as well as for people who have already immaculately planned every last detail of their upcoming years.

  So my dear readers, do you know what direction you're heading towards? Or are you waiting and wondering just like me?

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