Good morning/afternoon/evening, guys!
I was thinking back to how I had spent time editing my 2011 and 2012 blog history, deciding to only display posts that offered valuable food for thought. I'm not going to lie; some of them were extremely embarrassing. Other than that, I was proud of some of the soul-searching I did. So that's what I shall decide to do more often. Let my fingers drift away to work their way over my keyboard.
The day was fairly pleasant, despite the intermittent weather. I could tell the clouds were shifting in a deadly pattern, on the verge of producing rainfall at any given moment. However, the breeze was refreshing. Apart from one setback, many sweet people made my day. Smiles all around never fail to get me in high spirits.
Speaking of this mentioned setback, that's the thing that's been bugging me for ages. You spend days, even months, wishing for a certain outcome. But there's no trace of it in the near future. Some things never go as expected huh?
As much as you'd like something to turn out the way you want, it seems you're never given that blessing. I guess I've learnt that again the hard way. Things get twisted, misunderstandings happen and confusion ensues. Again and again, I've been let down. I strongly feel that hope is responsible for all disappointment. I've been trying to adopt the attitude, 'No expectations, no disappointment.' Although harsh, those words are true. I don't understand why I focus so much over one person, no matter how many times I've faced the reality that they don't care. It's unhealthy for me, honestly! I'm stronger than I believe, I know it.
Also the famous theme song for The Perks of Being a Wallflower, It's Time by Imagine Dragons has been inspiration for my blogging today. Take a look at the lyrics below.
'It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was.'
This. This makes me realise that I need to make a necessary change in my life. For once and for all.
Well, when I went cycling today with my brother, we stopped at the park like we usually do. As I flew back and forth on the swing, I felt free. I shut my eyes and just listened. Nothing. It was silent. And before I knew it, these thoughts invaded my mind again. They have for the past few months. I won't rest until I know the truth.
So tomorrow is the last day of the school term. Yet another opportunity to make everything right (or even worse), and hopefully one that I won't shy away from. I need a clear answer. Like Seryna told me, 'Closure is good for the soul.'
In the meantime, I'll be mustering up the courage. Thanks for reading my little rant. x
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Wow, this is perfect timing for this post because I was just singing that song in my car today!! I like how you put this: "I won't rest until I know the truth." It really is hard to be let down time and time again, especially with people. I'm realizing this in my own life. People are just people and will make mistakes, but God won't. I hope you get the closure you're looking for!! :)
ReplyDeleteYes, and sadly we can't seem to control who we care about! Thank you, I'll be waiting for my moment to pounce on an opportunity. :/
DeleteI feel honored to be mentioned :B and good luck Rachel I know it means a lot to you x Tell me all about it tonight k?
ReplyDeletex
Aw you. :) Thanks anyway, you've always been there for me. <3
DeleteI know what it feels like, I've embarrassed myself countless times, giving undeserving people too much of my time, love and patience, but I still think you shouldn't let this be a reason not to have expectations in them anymore! If you need someone to talk to, I'm here :) <3
ReplyDeletexx
This is so difficult! Half of the people say to give up, and the others don't! I don't want to give up yet. Thanks so much for your support though, Giulia. You've enlightened me :)
DeleteThank you for your lovely comment and I also hope to get more clarity in the near future :)
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling of being on a swing and being free.. and I also know how it is to be in a peaceful state of mind and than all the negatives thoughts to show up. Urgh..
Have courage!
allthatglittersnotgold.blogspot.com
Oh, no worries :)
DeleteYes, that is possibly the worst way to kill a great mood. Our minds can be the only thing keeping us withdrawn and in a bad place. Thank you Patricia, I'll be strong!