Things have been going well, as of late. You folks have probably heard me incessantly mention my high spirits in the last couple of posts! I'd hate to sound like a positivity preacher; in fact, I am far from that. I just think it's absolutely essential to count your blessings and note them down. (Life lesson I have adopted and followed closely to get the maximum out of the high school experience.)
Looks like I'll be contradicting myself with the post though. Warning: do not proceed if you dislike lengthy paragraphs.
Speaking of school, it's been swell. Friends/people are the reason why I never stop smiling. However, there is only one thing I detest: academia. (How very ironic.) I do have great teachers and electives but my core classes make me want to bash my head into a wall. I've identified why though, the simple reason being my lack of motivation. For what, you ask? The future. It isn't all that appealing to me. I don't know what I want to be, yet I'm expected to have it figured out. Only that I don't. How do I even describe it? Overdone would be one way, I suppose. I don't feel cut out for this. The examination pressure has already piled on, and I feel like a panic attack shall be on its way once the dates draw near. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that the idea of major examinations has kicked in, but the attitude hasn't. It's all crucial yet the weight of it hasn't quite taken its toll on me. I know I need to study more and focus focus focus. Sadly I've been slacking off, and realistically speaking that won't change anytime soon.
I've been trying to learn how to enjoy my own company, too. I've constantly been around everyone and anyone - if I'm not in school, I'm out with friends. (Don't get me wrong, I am completely content with that.) However, I've been told that I should also hang with myself. Yep, I'm talking about good old 'me' time that I seem to be unfamiliar with. I never thought about that much, considering I'm the last person I'd embrace the company of. So today, I took the opportunity to truly be alone when presented. It was an hour after school had ended, yet I sought solace in the shade of my year quad. I sat in my usual spot, only this time, the entire place was void of all lifeforms. I soaked up the serenity of it all. Not having to worry/care about anything was a momentary pleasure. I thought, I could be Home By Now. I didn't get up, I didn't bother. I mean, why bother? Life really shouldn't be as stressful as it is.
I've learnt to breathe and take it easy. Won't you, too?
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You are such a talented writer, Rachel! Learning to enjoy your own company definitely develops over time and it's also much more appreciated sometime in college (at least for me!) Best of luck with school! And yes, let's breathe and take it easy time to time. :)
ReplyDeleteacademics in america aren't very prime here either. being a fairly rural area, i don't have much of a selection of classes to choose from. they're all very basic and they don't fill me with anything at all. i'm still hungering for something that's not state-mandated and standard. but it's really lovely that you're taking time to spend by yourself, finding who you are when no one's watching.
ReplyDelete- kennedi
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this is beautiful rachel! i'm glad that everything is going so well for you right now-getting through core classes is a bore, but it does get better i promise! spending time with yourself is such a serene sort of thing, i'm glad you enjoyed it xx
ReplyDeleteLittle Blue Backpack
don't let the stress of year 10 get to you! trust me, i was panicking at the start of all of last year and hardly studied at all (just the occasional studying the night before a test kinda thing) and everything turned out fine. I really hate how our school puts so much emphasis on grades when really it's not that important. Don't worry, I was in your position last year (and I still don't know what I want to be) but everything turned out okay. It's so much more important to enjoy life than to worry! xx
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with being a positive preacher ;)
ReplyDeleteIn fact I think this world needs more of these kind of
people :P As for school and future matter, I think it its
important to choose something that you like and passion
about! Xx
haha i'm the opposite, i find spending time on my own to be too easy, i need to socialise with my friends more x
ReplyDeleteI agree with previous comments. There is nothing wrong about being a positive preacher, in fact, we need more people like that on our earth! We need the enthusiasm you're sharing with us, so spread it girl! Loved the post.
ReplyDeleteJes | Naturally Jes